Something Just Seems Wrong About This...

Judith: "Can we pleeeeeeease do math?!?!"

Me: "Finish your hot chocolate first."

Different Strokes for Different Body Parts

Judith: "My feet are in church already. Bathrooms are church for feet, and it's quick."

Um, ok?

Opinionated Baby

Ruthie likes to wag her index finger at people and say 'No! No! No! No! No!' LOL

It`s funny how with your first kid, something like that would be aggravating. By the third kid it`s just cute.

What Was I Thinking?!

Earlier we were writing up Christmas cards, and Judith must have been getting pretty tired of writing her name.

Out of nowhere she angrily said "Aaargh! I wish you would have just named me Ju!!!"

Haha.

Honest Mistake

Judith: "I can feel the vitamin D on my toes! Oh wait, it's just sand."

The Horror

Judith: "You know, if there were no such thing as pumpkins, then we'd have to carve watermelons..."

You're the Expert

Judith: "Pulling the guts and seeds out of pumpkins is easy! It's like pulling teeth!"

And she would know, she's had 2 teeth extracted...

Rev up that Broom!

Judith made a big mess on the floor, so I asked her to clean it up.

She grabbed the broom, and started "revving" it as she swept, saying "Brrroooom! Brrr Brrr Brrr Broooom!" (as in vroom)

I wish I had it on video, it was hilarious! I need to learn how to make chores that fun.

Awesomeness

Me: "What are you guys doing?"

Judith: "We are playing octopuses!"

Gideon: "And I'm Octipus Prime!!!!!"

What a genius!

Overheard at the Breakfast Table

Judith: "I don't take orders from you! I only take orders from Mommy!"

Awesome! I am documenting this for future use.

Guessing Game

Gideon (bursts into the room): "Whooooooooo smells poopy?!?!"

Me: "Does Gideon smell poopy?"

Gideon: "...yeah."

Great.

The Bird Whisperer

While I was hanging out laundry, Gideon was outside having an argument with a bird.

It kind of went like this...

Bird: "Squak"

Gideon: "No!"

Bird: "Squak"

Gideon: "No!"

And so on and so on...

Finally Gideon said "No bird, you can't honk that whistle!!!!"

LOL

They Know The Drill...

Judith and Gideon are playing "Kelly and Davey".

They are doing this by "Kelly" lying in bed and demanding that "Davey" make her coffee.

Then "Davey" goes and makes coffee and brings it to "Kelly", then she gets out of bed.

Oi.

Kids These Days...

Judith: "What's that?"

Me: "Classifieds."

Judith: "What's classifieds?"

Me: "Like Kijiji, but on paper."

Helping to Prevent Distracted Driving

The other day we were out driving and had to stop for lunch. When we got into the restaurant Judith suddenly told me that she had to pee really badly.

She said "You know, I had to pee the whole time we were driving, but I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get confused."

How considerate of her!

Fishes!

Ruthie was about 3/4 of the way through watching Finding Nemo, and all of a sudden she excitedly pointed and screamed "Fishes!!!!"

Um, yes, there are fishes honey.

Life is Hard When You're 1

Ruthie is refusing to wear clothes, while also complaining about being cold. It's a tough life lesson, I guess!

Dirt is the Best Toy

The kids' new thing is to go out in the back yard, roll in the dirt/ throw sand at each other, then come back in and get daddy to shake them off. Then repeat.

Apparently it's a wonderful existence.

Odd Offspring

Judith (while wearing Lambie in a make-shift sling): "Mom, I had a baby but it ended up being a lamb. It's weird. I sure hope he grows up to be a person."

Strategy

Ruthie has been really clingy lately.

The other day I was sitting at the computer, and Ruthie brought me my high heels and insisted I put them on right away.

Then she climbed up on my lap and immediately fell asleep on my chest.

So I was left with a dilemma. Leave her there and be chair bound for 1-3 hours... Or try to take her upstairs and put her down without breaking an ankle, or neck. Or even worse, waking her up!

I did manage to get her up to bed without waking her up or breaking anything, but it was tricky! It was a smart strategy on her part, I must say!

At the Bonfire

Gideon: "Mommy, can I have a SCARY marshmallow?"

That Must Be Why He's So Sweet!

Judith and Gideon were jumping on Grandma's trampoline when they unexpectedly collided.

Gideon (hurt): "Judie break Gideon! You break the chocolate Gideon!!!"

Infatuation

Gideon had a blast pretending to drive Great Grandpa's old tractor. As he got down off of it, he stopped to admire the big back tire.

Gideon: "Oh tire, you is so beautiful!"

Ok

Me: "Hey, Gideon, do you want some corn on the cob?"

Gideon: "No, I want some corn on the cottage!"

Words of Wisdom

While on a hike at a large Provincial park, there was a pile of logs we passed by.

Judith: "You know, all logs lead to lions!"

I never knew!

At the Lake

Judith wanted to swim out to the raft, so she just ran and dove into the water, while I followed her slowly, because the water was a little cool for me.

Judith: "Come on, Mom!"

Me: "Hold on, I just need to get used to the water."

Judith: "But I have been used to the water for YEARS!"

She's a Keener

Ruthie was about 3/4 of the way through watching Finding Nemo, and all of a sudden she excitedly pointed and screamed "Fishes!!!!"

Um, yes, there are fishes honey.

Blast Off!

I just came downstairs and Gideon was strapping Ruthie into a suitcase (she was happily complying). He looked at me and excitedly said "We're going to outer space!!!"

There is No Higher Court

Me: "Gideon, you can't take your potato downstairs, eat it at the table, please."

Gideon: "NO!" *angry face* *points finger* "GO TALK TO DADDY!!!"

Me: "Um, nice try."

Aw, Muffin

Judith: "Mom, can you get my ball?"

Me: "Yeah, just a sec."

Judith: "MOM! You're breaking my heart!"

She Figured Out Their Secret!

Judith (in line at Starbucks): "Wow, they make the drinks really fast, don't they?"

Me: "Yep."

Judith: "It must be because they don't have kids!"

He Must Have Been Having an Interesting Dream....

Me: "Gideon, it's time to get up!"

Gideon: "No Mom, I want to watch the sad pizza!'

Nerd Family

As we were stuck in traffic due to construction, Judith was growing increasingly impatient.

Judith: "Aaaargh, I just want to be there!"

Me: "Too bad we couldn't teleport, eh?"

Judith: "What's teleport?"

Me: "You know, like in Star Trek where they disappear and reappear where they want to go."

Judith: "Oh... Actually, I'd rather just have a Tardis."

I know I've said it before, but seriously, the kid is a genius.

---------
Also, as a side note - *HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!*

I Honestly Couldn't Answer Her

Last night I was up late sorting clothes, and Judith came out of her room (the kids had gone to bed a while before that but she must have had trouble falling asleep) because she had an important question.

Judith: "Mom, what is an anti-matter formula?"

The Poncho

Judith's definition of a poncho: "It's kind of like a sweater but it's weird."

Defender of the Home

I walked into the kitchen to find Gideon soaking the window with my spray bottle of soap and water that I use to kill spiders and bees that get into the house.

Gideon: "There you go, Bee, nice and clean!"

Me: "What are you doing?"

Gideon: "Look, Bee is dead! I did it!"

Then I noticed a dead house fly on the sill, saturated in the soapy spray.

Now he is walking around like he's a great hero, lol.

The Key to Survival is Being Prepared

Gideon was all set for sitting beside Judith on a long drive.

Multi-Purpose

Ruthie thinks that the arm cover for the rocking chair makes a great hat.

Oy.

It figures that my kid would put a glass around her mouth and suck hard enough to bruise her face the day before her big dance recital...

Business Opportunity for Young Boys!

Judith: "So, are the Autobots the bad guys?"

Me: "No, the Decepticons are the bad guys."

Judith: "GAH! There needs to be a class for this stuff!!!"

Long Time Coming...

Judith: "Yay it's summer, I've been waiting for this ALL WEEK!"

Tragic!

RETRO Post

May 20, 2010

Gideon just came upstairs freaking out, I thought he was hurt.

He kept saying "Stuck! Stuck!" until I figured out he had a crumb stuck between his toes.

After I rescued him from the evil crumb, he brought me a pair of socks, I guess he didn't want it to happen again, haha!

Daddy is Good at Catching!

Last night we were talking about Father's Day and I was telling the story of when Judith was born, and how Daddy caught her.

Gideon piped up right away and said "Daddy caught a MOSQUITO!"

Equally as important, I'm sure...

Valid Question

On the way to bed tonight, Gideon randomly asked me "Mom, do you have a brain?"

I often wonder that too.

Longing

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May 31, 2010

Gideon (after pulling a pot out of the cupboard and looking in it) "Mac and cheese? Where are you, mac and cheese?"

I Guess I'm Not Very Responsible...

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June 3, 2010

Judith: "Mommy, when you get bigger you can go to work like Daddy, and then I will steal the computer!"

Well, I DO Feel Like a Zombie Some Days...

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June 9, 2010

While I was rubbing Judith's head:

Judith: "No, Mommy, DON'T eat my brains! I want to KEEP my brains!"

Not Worth It

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June 15, 2010

Judith (upon waking): "Mom, did you buy me anything while I was asleep?"

Me: "Um, no. I didn't go anywhere... ?!?!"

Judith decided to go back to sleep.

Passing the Blame

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June 21, 2010

Judith: "Who made all these marks on the mirror?"

Me: "Someone with Judith-sized hands..."

Judith: "Must have been Gideon."

Emergency!

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July 1, 2010

Gideon (running upstairs from the basement in a panic): "Mommy! Mommy!"

Me (concerned): "What's wrong?!?!"

Gideon: "I need ice cream!"

Our Next Vehicle

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July 23, 2010

Judith thinks that the next car we get should be a cop car. Then we could do whatever we want. She thinks it's crazy that no one has thought of that before.

Dramatic Entrance

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Aug. 8, 2010

Gideon just burst into the room, held up his trains and yelled "Train-tastic!"

Mac and Cheese

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Aug. 8, 2010

Judith: "Can I give Ruthie a mac and chee?"

Apparently that is what you call the individual noodles!

Home is Wherever I'm With You!

Judith was away at a sleep-over last night, and at bed time Gideon kept saying "I want to go home! I want to go home!"

I told him he was, in fact, home.

But then he told me "No! Home is with Judie!!!"

Ribbit

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Aug. 11, 2010

Gideon is currently hopping and 'ribbiting' like a frog back and forth across the living room, wearing nothing but his socks.

Awesome

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Aug. 11, 2010

Judith: "From now on, you can just call me Awesome."

I Wish

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Aug. 17, 2010

Judith: "I'm pretending you're the bank. Give me money."

HAHAHAHA. Nice try.

They Could Start an Extermination Business!

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Aug. 31, 2010

Judith and Gideon just spent an hour screaming (with delight) at a house fly, and it DIED! They never even touched it.

Judith says her name was Sienna. RIP Sienna.

Good Thing

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Aug. 31, 2010

Judith (exiting the bathroom): "Phew! I'm glad that was just a pee, and not a baby!"

Words of Wisdom

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Sept. 9, 2010

Me: "Gah, where did I put that recipe?"

Judith: "You know what they say: Practice makes perfect, and finding makes awesome."

It's true! I found it, and then I felt pretty awesome.

Superstore Commentary

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Sept. 13, 2010

Judith: "Why do people call it Stupidstore? They should call it... PLEASEstore!"

Basic Requirements

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Sept. 18, 2010

Judith: "This is my world. If you want to live in my world, you must give me a high five."

At Least I'm Training Them Up Right?

Judith (randomly, right as we got home from play group): "Hey mom, do you mind if I clean the whole house?"

It was a tough decision, but in the end I said yes because I'm such a great mom. So now all my walls and windows are clean up as high as Judith could reach, and my house reeks of vinegar!

Then Gideon decided to get in on the cleaning fun too. I went upstairs and found that he had dumped a big box of baking soda all over the sink.

I asked him what happened, and he said, very matter-of-factly: "It snowed."

I didn't want to waste all that baking soda, so I got busy cleaning. The good news is, my bathrooms are now VERY clean!

It's just sad that my kids have much more initiative than me when it comes to cleaning...

Pondering the Big Questions

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Sept. 20, 2010

Judith (out of nowhere, while in the bath tub): "How can Santa breathe under all that beard?"

Telling It Like It Is

While we were in the line up for the ferris wheel at an amusement park, there were a bunch of young teens in line ahead of us. They were being extremely loud, crude and obnoxious.

Judith (in a voice that everyone around us could hear): "Wow Mom, good thing those aren't your kids, they are being SO RUDE! I wonder where their parents are. They are big, but they don't really act big."

Me: "Yep."

The teens didn't seem to acknowledge or care about what she said. But it is pretty sad that my wild 5 year-old has better manners than them, and could point out the fact that they were being rude. I hope she remembers that when she's a teen!

Creative Anger Management

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Sept. 21, 2010

Judith (a little while after walking away in a huff when I wouldn't do something for her that she wanted): "Mommy, I went to the basement because I was feeling angry. Then I pretended that the world had no colours, and I got a pretend paintbrush and made everything really pretty."

Priorities

Gideon was practicing soccer, but then he noticed that there was a hill so he had to stop and roll down it.



But really, who wouldn't?

Judith's Christmas List

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Sept. 22, 2010

1. Sunshine

2. A Snowman

3. Balloons

4. A Butterfly Net

5. A Whoopie Cushion

6. A Chicken (the BBQ ones you get at the grocery store)

7. A Hoop for Training a Dog (we don't have a dog...?)

Team Spirit

Judith's soccer team is called the Tigers. So she wore this one day for the entire game, and was very proud.



Not to mention overwhelmingly adorable.

YouTube Generation

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Sept. 25, 2010

You know your kids watch YouTube too much when you are at the park and a cat goes running by, then your 2 year-old goes running after it screaming "CAT FLUSHING A TOILET! CAT FLUSHING A TOILET!"

Strategy

He licked the bowl up high where Ruthie couldn't get him.

Bacon

RETRO Post

Oct. 4, 2010

Judith decided to make a code word for whenever she wants to talk. It's "Bacon". I'm not sure if she even knows what bacon is... we don't eat pigs. But anyway, now when she wants someone's attention, she will say "Grandma, BACON!" or "Mommy, BACON!"

She never ceases to amaze me.

Too Special

He has been sleeping in that hat since the day we saw Thomas.

The Unsightly Habits of Jellyfish

David (to Judith): "Did you know that jellyfish poop out of their mouths?"

Judith: "Ewwwww!!!... Wait... *perks up* Does that mean that they eat with their BUMS?!?!"

Then she ran off all excitedly, jellyfish having been redeemed in her mind.

She's Not Going to Miss It!

She insisted on pulling up a chair to watch the muffins bake.

America - The Land of Mythical Beasts

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Oct. 14, 2010

Judith: "Have you heard of jellyfish sharks?"

Me: "No..."

Judith: "Yeah, they live in AMERICA!"

Random Conversations

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Oct. 17, 2010

Gideon: "I need coffee! I need coffee!!!!"

David: "Would you like a new sister or brother?"

Gideon: "No, I want a marshmallow..."

"I Have Rocks!"

"Therefore, I have purpose."

Wishful Thinking?

Judith: "Mom, if you crash into a tv, do you become part of the show?"

Compromise

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Oct. 19, 2010

Me: "Gideon, get up, we have to go to the library."

Gideon: "Go to Bounce Bounce?" (his word for the local amusement park)

Me: "No, the library."

Gideon: "Bounce-bary?"

What is the Best Way to Eat a Cinnamon Bun?

Why, face-first, of course!



He also was very fond of his popcorn.

At Least She's Honest

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Oct. 22, 2010

Judith: "Shhh! Mommy, I'm reading! ...Reading is just a fancy word for looking at pictures."

Whatever Makes Them Happy...

They made a make-shift "umbrella" and then spent all day taking turns dumping water on it and standing under it. They were totally soaked and covered in mud by the end of the day.

Judith's To Do List

Today I was making up a big to-do list, and Judith decided that she needed to come up with her own. She dictated her list to me and asked me to write it down. Here it is:

~Do an experiment with purple cabbage.

~Find out which things sink or float.

~Draw pictures that are THE BEST.

~Mommy have 10 more babies.

~Paint pictures that are also THE BEST.

~Draw a picture of our family.

~Make paper flowers.

~Paint a very cool picture that is purple with Gideon and Mommy.

~Make paper birdies.

~Learn about different birds and colour them.

~Make lots of new stuff.

~Make paper food.

~Dance with Tiergan another day.

~Make paper horses today and go ride real horses another day.

~Colour fishes and stuff.

~Catch and eat a gingerbread man. (<- That one had me in tears from laughing so hard!)

~Mix oil and water.

~Count the days until summer.

~Find out what is at the center of the earth, but don't touch it. Actually, let's just look it up on the internet.

~Draw a picture of My Little Pony and a frisbee.

~Play X's and O's.

She seriously came up with those things one right after another and I could barely keep up writing them down! The only reason she stopped was to play X's and O's with me right away, and then we never got back to her list.

It was too awesome not to post!

I Need to Know Their Secret!

RETRO Post

Oct. 24, 2010

Judith (telling me a bedtime story she made up): "Once upon a time there was a Mommy horse and a Baby horse. They were nocturnal AND turnal, which means they are awake all day and night...."

That Would be Sad, Indeed

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Oct. 25, 2010

Judith: "If we ever moved somewhere where everyone was invisible, I'd be so sad that I couldn't see my friends."

Enabling My Slacking

RETRO Post

Nov. 3, 2010

I put on some trance music to try and motivate myself to clean. Gideon went and changed it to Radiohead, and now we are just sitting here.

He knows me too well.

Unconditional Love

Judith: "Mom! You are totally not acting like a Mom I can handle!!!!!! But I still love you anyway."

True Story

RETRO Post

Nov. 7, 2010

Judith: "You know, when I was in your tummy, I was really excited to be born. That's why I was always trying to bust out of there."

It's true, my belly was never still when I was pregnant with her! And she came a week early, I guess she couldn't wait any more.

Earning Her Treats

This morning I woke up to lots of banging around in the kitchen. I knew it must be Judith so I yelled down to her to find out what she was doing.



She had decided to sweep and mop the kitchen "to be nice."



Then with her next breath she said "Oh, and I noticed that there are Tim Tams in the cupboard..." LOL



Needless to say, she got a Tim Tam.

Party Over Here!

RETRO Post

Nov. 9, 2010

Judith (while I was brushing her hair after her bath): "Wow, it's like my knots are having a birthday party or something!"

LOL! If only I could see into her head, the things she comes up with...

"I Judie, I Birthday"

RETRO Post

Nov. 22, 2010



It was the first sentence she ever wrote by herself.

She demanded that I share this with the internet.

Little Baking Soda Caper

Ruthie was upset that I was having a shower (she wanted to have a bath with me, she doesn't like showers), so she grabbed the box of baking soda and ran off with it. She knows I use it to wash my hair and I would have to chase her out into the hall (which I did).

It was probably quite the sight... a toddler running off with a box of baking soda and a big grin on her face. And a naked, dripping mama chasing after her!

Things you never think about when deciding to have babies...

Fear the Jude

RETRO Post

Nov. 28, 2010

Judith has gotten into the habit of screaming at red lights (and telling them to turn green). I have tried to explain that yelling and screaming won't make the light change any quicker, but it doesn't help that 90% of the time the light DOES change when she screams.

Yesterday we came up to a red light and it changed right away, and she said "He must have seen me coming!"

Haha.

But It's the Same Amount of Letters!

Judith (swinging around a bag of walnuts): "Peanuts! Peanuts! Peanuts!"

Me: "Um, those are actually walnuts."

Judith: "That's ok, I just call them peanuts for short."

Privacy? What's That?

RETRO Post

Dec. 4, 2010

While I was in the shower this morning, Judith came in the bathroom and said "I like your butt, it's funny. Hahahahahaha!"

Then Gideon followed her, and said "Mommy, you having a washdown?"

Emo Princess

RETRO Post

Dec. 7, 2010

According to Judith, The Juliana Theory is "princess music".

Hahahahahaha!

My Personal Trainer

RETRO Post

Dec. 8, 2010

A few Judith quotations from today's Shred:

"Mom, I know you are following Anita, but I am following JILLIAN!" (I think that meant she would stop every so often, walk over to me and tell me what I need to do, haha!)

"Mom, who are we punching?"

and ""Come on Mom, kick your feet higher! Kick your butt Mom, KICK YOUR BUTT!!!"

She's a great coach.

...ONLY SOMETIMES?!?!

Judith: "You know, Mom, you really are a genius... sometimes."

Well, I guess all I did was show her that you can put bread in the toaster on low to thaw it...

My Sweet Boy

RETRO Post

Dec. 20, 2010

I accidentally dozed off while reading the latest issue of Birthing Magazine . When I woke up, Gideon's Blankie was carefully draped across my chest, and there was a pile of his favourite trains on my lap. He was sitting at my feet, quietly "reading" a book.

LOVE.

What a Confidence Boost...

Judith: "Mom, are you 300 pounds?"

No, but thanks for asking...

Faith of a Child

RETRO Post

Dec. 23, 2010

Judith (in the van, as we were stopped at a red light): "Dear Jesus, please give me wings so I can fly to Tim Hortons faster."

Me: "I don't think Jesus is going to give you wings, at least not in this lifetime."

Judith: "But Jesus just told me that he would give me whatever I prayed for..."

Me: ...

Then later as we were pulling into the drive-thru, she screams "Ouch! My back hurts! I think it's my wings growing!"

Haha.

Chocolate's Magical Properties

Judith: "You know, mom, I'm allergic to nuts. Unless they are covered in chocolate..."

LOL

Extreme Games

RETRO Post

Dec. 27, 2010

Judith: "Let's play a game, Mom. I'll scream, and you have to guess if there's blood, or no blood."

Naked Face

Yesterday morning I woke up to Judith standing right in front of me, handing me my glasses.

Judith: "Mom, put your glasses on. I don't like your face when it's naked."

Gee, thanks.

A Miracle

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Jan. 7, 2011

Judith: "Mommy, come look at this!"

Me: "I can't right now, I'm cleaning the kitchen."

Judith: "You're ACTUALLY cleaning the kitchen?!?!"

Way to rub it in.

Little Conspiracy Theorist

Last night Dave was trying to get Judith to bed, and she came up with a creative excuse. I wasn't there, but Dave relayed the story to me.

Dave: "It's 9:00, you need to go to bed."

Judith: "I don't think it's actually 9:00. The government lies, you know!"

Dave (dies laughing): "Well, the government doesn't control time. We know what time it is by the sun. But nice try."

Hahahaha. It was a decent attempt.

Best Misinterpretation Ever

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Jan. 12, 2011

Me: (rolling over in bed this morning) "Oh, I kneed you..."

Dave: (getting all excited) "You NEED me?"

Hahahahaha.

The Truth

RETRO Post

Jan. 13, 2011

Judith: "Mom, this mirror looks fat..."

Escape Pants

RETRO Post

Jan. 16, 2011

Judith: "Do you have any escape pants?"

Me: "What are escape pants?"

Judith: "Pants that get up and walk away when you're not looking."

Hahaha, maybe that's why I find her clothes all over the house!

Things That Happen When Mama's a Doula...

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Jan. 22, 2011

Gideon came up to me with a truck under his shirt, "gave birth" to it, then said "Awwwww, a cute little baby truck!"

LOL

Reality Check, Please!

RETRO Post

Jan. 30, 2011

Gideon wanted a cup of ice water, so he got a clean cup from the dishwasher, then got me and pointed at the freezer.

I opened it, and he said "Click on the ice! Click on the ice!"

I guess someone has been using the computer too much, yikes!

Multitasking

Judith just came up to me and gave me a big kiss on the arm, leaving behind a big smear of yogurt.

Judith (proudly): "Look mom! I kissed you AND wiped off my face at the same time!"

I see that... you're a genius... =S

Defining Genders

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Jan. 31, 2011

Judith: "No Gideon, you can't have any of my nail polish. You need to find some with Transformers on it... for boys."

It's True

RETRO Post

Feb. 4, 2011

Judith (after having some eggs we got from friends with chickens): "Wow, chicken eggs taste a lot better than store eggs!"

Adventure to the Center of the Earth!

Judith: "I'm digging to the center of the earth to find chickens!"

Me: "You think there are chickens down there?"

Judith: "Not really, there's probably just rocks and treasure and dinosaur bones, maybe some dirty old socks..."

Geek-in-Training

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Feb. 7, 2011

Judith: "I wish we lived closer to outer space, I'd love to go visit there!"

Note to self - Less sci fi, more astronomy.

Cure-All

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Feb. 9, 2011

Ruthie fell down the last step face-first and got a bloody nose (poor kid!).

Judith said "Give 'er some ice cream, mate!"

It's true, ice cream and an Aussie accent can cure basically anything.

At Least She's Resourceful!

RETRO Post

Feb. 21, 2011

Judith wouldn't go to sleep tonight because she was afraid that there was going to be a duck in her bed. All I could think of to say was that ducks are scared of little boys and dogs, so she is sleeping with Gideon and a stuffed dog.

She also kept saying "Mrrrp" because apparently that is the sound a duck makes when a sheep steps on it, so she wanted the duck to be afraid of sheep (so Lambie could protect her?).

Duh

Judith (as soon as I pulled the roasted chicken out of the oven): "Dad, come and cut the chicken!"

Dave: "We need to let it rest for a few minutes first..."

Judith: "Uh, it doesn't need to rest, Dad, it's DEAD."

I Like Their Ideas Better Than Mine...

RETRO Post

March 1, 2011

I asked Gideon what he wanted for his birthday.

He replied "A chicken!"

Then Judith said "No, let's get him a windmill that generates electricity!"

Um, ok.

Honesty

Judith tossed her raisin box on the floor.

Me: "Hey, does the floor look like a garbage can?!"

Judith (looking around) "Um, almost."

I Didn't Even Mention the Presents...

RETRO Post

March 5, 2011

Judith (at a store): "Wow, I love that birthday cake!"

Me: "That's a wedding cake."

Judith (wide-eyed): "You get CAKE when you get married?!?!?!"

Marriage is starting to really appeal to Judith, you get cake AND babies, what else could she ever want? ;)

The Randomness of Parenting

Judith: "Mom, can you come and get my gummy bears off the ceiling!"



One of the many things you don't ever really expect to hear...

Manners are Important, Even for Play!

RETRO Post

March 5, 2011

Gideon was just playing with two cars, "driving" them along on the floor, then he stopped, and made one of the cars "sneeze", then the other turned and said "Gesundheit", and then they kept driving.

So random and hilarious!

5 Year-Old Wisdom

At Judith's dance class one day they were serving cake for the head instructor/choreographer's birthday. Judith's teacher warned the class that if they didn't behave, no one was going to get any cake, and that she would eat it all instead.

Judith promptly replied, in total seriousness, with: "You know, if you eat too much sugar, you will go crazy and then you will cry."

Her teacher totally cracked up, and apparently kept thinking about it and giggling through the entire class. She totally laughed her butt off as she told me afterwards.

Thankfully, the kids were good so she didn't have to eat all the cake and go crazy and cry. *phew*

Slacker

RETRO Post

March 6, 2011

I was sitting around with Judith, who was giving me a bunch of temporary tattoos, when Ruthie came up to me and handed me the broom.

At least someone around here is trying to keep me in line...

The Mental Image Was Amazing!

Gideon: "Knock knock."

Me: "Who's there?"

Gideon: "Interrupting pants."

Me: "Interrupting pants..... who?"

Gideon: "ZOOM!"

I almost peed myself. Even now typing this I am actually laughing out loud. He's awesome.

It's Important to Listen to Your Body!

RETRO Post

March 7, 2011

Judith (after finishing the Shred workout): "Mom, I think my body is telling me that we need to make cupcakes..."

She's Brilliant

Me: "Wow, Judith, those 8's you drew are perfect!"

Judith: "Those aren't 8's! They're bow ties! Bow ties are COOL!"

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Priorities

RETRO Post

March 8, 2011

I accidentally set off the fire alarm a little while ago (something fell on the stove burner, I didn't actually burn any food), and Judith came running with Lambie, and a blanket, and her dance trophy. She said she couldn't imagine her dance trophy being burnt!

Happy Easter!

Judith was tired of Ruthie getting into her candy stash, so she came up with a solution.



Now we will have to wait and see if the chocolate eggs get eaten before the Play Doh dries out.

The race is on!

Watching Daddy Play Computer Games Too Much...

Judith informed me last night that under her blankets on her bed there is a portal that goes to the moon, and she is NEVER coming back.

I bet if I make some French toast for breakfast she'd change her mind...

To The Ends of the Earth...

RETRO post

December 2010

Judith (to Dave): "You know, Santa goes everywhere around the world, EVEN Australia!"

Yeah, I Feel That Way Sometimes Too...

Judith: "I think Ruthie thinks that I'm her mom. You're just the feeder."

Um...

Judith (randomly): "Mom, how do you spell 'adios poop'?"

Suffering for the Sake of Creativity

Judith was pounding on a kids piano keyboard, resulting in a terrible horrible mishmash of sounds.

Me: "Judith can you please stop that!"

Judith: "But Mom, it's JAZZ!!!"

Oh, well, in that case, carry on.

Ruthie, Defender of Earth

"Fear the broom! FEAR IT!!!!!"

No Friends? No Problem!

I guess I need to contact Hasbro and inform them that they need to change the rules to "ONE to Four Players".

Poor Ruthie

"Oh dear, the snow seems to have me surrounded..."

What... Why?

I went in to check on the kids before I went to bed one night, and discovered that they had emptied out the closet, and were sleeping with all the clothes hangers.

The clothes are still all over the floor. *sigh*

Quick Recovery

Judith: "Knock knock."

Me: "Who's there?"

Judith: "Interrupting chicken."

Me: "Inter-"

Judith: "MOO!"

(Sudden shocked look as she realized she did the wrong animal, but not missing a beat she continued)

Judith: "Uh, the chicken lost his voice so he asked the cow to speak for him!"

No Worries

Judith (randomly): "Are there Daleks in Australia?"

Hmmm... that thought does make all of the lethal critters there seem a bit less scary.

There Will Be No Escape

Judith was making butterflies one morning...



And Gideon was prepared and vigilant. No butterflies were going to get loose in HIS house!

Best Photo Ever

Who cares what's in the box, it's TISSUE PAPER!

My Entrepreneur

Judith apparently has her own restaurant that she runs out of our kitchen.

It is a meat restaurant, and they serve lamb, monkey, and chicken, but NOT llama.

You get a FWEE orange when you walk in the door.

Water and using the washroom is also free.

Judith is the only employee.

You have to bring your own colouring pages and crayons.

Anything you colour at the restaurant, you have to leave at the restaurant.

If you bring your cat, it can go and watch movies downstairs while you eat.

There is also a pool for women who need to have a baby. And medicine. And they even have APPLE JUICE!



I ordered the monkey. Apparently it was boiled (I asked).

The Entourage

I must preface this post by explaining that Gideon has a number of his toys, plus his Blankie and water bottle that he likes to have with him at all times. For a while he was always trying to carry everything, and of course things would drop and he would freak out. So he started using a bucket to carry everything, and I have affectionately named it his "Entourage" bucket. It may seem like a bit much to some people, but he is very particular, and prone to anxiety, so this is a way for him to maintain some security, and I am ok with that.

Last night I was up nursing Ruthie, and Gideon rolled over in bed and knocked his "Entourage" bucket on to the floor. He sat up, and was about to freak out until he noticed that I was already there. Then he looked down at his bucket and its spilled contents, and I could see the little wheels in his head spinning. Then he quietly got out of bed, and curled up on the floor beside his spilled bucket. I guess that seemed like a better solution to him than trying to pick it all up and get back into bed!

It was so cute and sad at the same time. Of course I helped him back into bed once I was done with Ruthie.

I Caught Me a Purty Butterfly!

I Wish I Could Do That...

I love when he just curls up like a puppy and goes to sleep.

SWEET!

Judith: "Mom, if you get your room all cleaned up by the time it's your birthday, we will get you a chicken coop!"

Mutant

2 things Ruthie can get excited about...

1 - Broccoli.



2 - Snow in Spring.



Who is this child and how did she come from me?

Play it by Ear

Judith: (On the bed behind me doing flips) "Mom, watch me!"

Me: "I can't right now, I'm changing Ruthie's bum."

Judith: "Ok, well, when you hear the THUNK, just say 'COOL!', ok?"

Ice Cream Face

Have a bowl that needs cleaning?



No utensils required.

The Best of Both Worlds

The other day we were blessed (Hahahahahahahaha! I'm so funny) with yet another huge dump of snow. Judith, of course, went outside to play right away. She made a snow man as usual. Gideon was at the back door wanting to go outside too, but then I guess he changed his mind. He's not a huge fan of the cold.

A few minutes later, I hear Gideon yell "Mommy, come and see my snowman!" I was all... what? I peeked into the living room, and there Gideon was with his little snow man.



He was super proud, and warm to boot!



I told him that snow can't go in the living room, so he should take it outside. He didn't like that idea much, so he just came into the kitchen, and proceeded to eat his little snowman. But at least the carpet didn't get all wet. Hopefully it was clean snow. =S

I Have Failed as a Mother

Judith: (Upset that no one was coming over for Gideon's birthday, as she couldn't fathom a birthday without friends, even though we had his party the night before) "You NEED to call someone and invite them over. *Puts hands on hips and stomps foot* RIGHT NOW!!!!! Who are you going to call?!?!?!?!"

Me: (Instinctively) "GHOST BUSTERS!"

Judith (Storming off) "Aaargh, that doesn't even make any sense!"

What? Who doesn't get THAT?!

Cuteness

That is all.

Happy Birthday, Gideon!

Most of the time when we go out, Gideon insists on taking a toy train or car to play with, along with his Blankie and water bottle of course.

Yesterday he INSISTED on taking this spoon with him.



He was obsessed with this spoon all day.

My kids never cease to amaze me with their randomness.

But that's one of the many reasons I love them.

Happy 3rd birthday, Gideon!

Now It All Makes Sense

Last night Dave was trying to show Judith how to count in Binary, and it hit me.

They are both a handful.

No wonder this year has been so exhausting for me!

What Happened to Goodnight Moon?

Last night when it was just about the kids' bed time, Gideon must have been tired because he got his Blankie and water bottle and came up to me as I was typing away at the computer and said "Mommy, I want to go to bed, get off the computer. Say goodnight computer! Mommy, say GOODNIGHT COMPUTER!!!!"

Yikes, I got told.

Figuring it Out

Judith: (randomly as we were getting dressed one morning) "I am the oldest because I was born first! I was your first baby! Then you had Gideon, then you had Ruthie, then you married Daddy."

Me: "Actually, I married Daddy first, before I had babies."

Judith: "Oh, so Daddy is really your first baby then."

Hmmmm... yeah, that sounds about right. ;)

Gideon is my New Favourite

Me: "Can you guys please stop screaming? It really hurts my ear." (Note - I was dealing with an ear infection that made my ear ring really loudly and resonate really awfully with the sound of children's voices, not fun.)

Gideon: "Aw, Mommy, does your ears hurt?"

Me: "Yeah."

Gideon: (runs over and hugs my legs) "Poor Mommy!"

Judith: "Oh Mom, just get better soon. I don't think I can go very long without screaming!!!"

The Photo That Changed Everything

Judith was being all pouty one morning as I had the camera out taking photos of Ruthie in her boots (see a previous post for that photo). I turned around and took a picture of Judith, who was not impressed.

That is, until I showed her the photo. Suddenly her eyes lit up and she shouted "I'm a cyclops!!!!" Then her mood completely turned around and she was back to her usual self for the rest of the day.



Whatever works, I guess.

Improvisation

Judith told me the other day that she thought I needed flowers (I wasn't feeling well). She went outside, and I suppose she couldn't find any flowers for me under all the snow.

So I got this instead. I call it "Canadian Spring Flowers".



I thought it was super sweet.

Judith Isn't the Only Future Actress...

Ruthie has a new game that she loves to play with me.

Any time I am sitting down, especially on the floor, she comes running up to me and whacks me on the chest and says "Mum mum!" Mum mum being her word for "nurse". And she scowls at me impatiently.

So I undo my nursing tank and prepare to nurse her, and then she laughs and runs away. She thinks she's SO funny!

It was cute the first couple times...

It Was Almost Convincing...

With so many colds going around, I have been giving the kids lots of vitamin C lately. Normally I just give them one or two of the chew-able tablets (which to the kids taste like candy), but recently when the sniffles went through our family they got 4 or 5 at a time.

So the other day, once we were all back to normal, I was handing out the usual vitamins, and Judith started sniffling. It was very obviously fake. I handed her one tablet and moved on to the other kids. She kept her hand out and sniffled a few more times, much louder than before. Then she even gave me the "Can't you see that I'm dying? Are you really going to deprive me of this life saving medicine?" look as I was putting the bottle away.

I'm such a mean Mama for not giving in. But some day, with the money I save in vitamins, I will be able to send her to theater school. It's important to always keep the big picture in mind, you know.

It's Better to be Prepared!

Yesterday morning Ruthie was up when Dave was leaving for work, so he brought her to the bed for me (she won't sleep in our bed if both of us are there, but she will if there's only one of us). I nursed her and we both drifted off again.

Then later I woke up to her standing beside the bed, with her boots in hand, and the biggest smile ever on her face. I was hardly awake but she insisted I put her boots on her (over her pj's). She LOVES her boots! I guess she wanted to be ready in case the kids decided to go play outside, or if we were going anywhere that day.

I guess that isn't as funny as it is cute. It just seemed like a random thing to wake up to!

His Ambitions are Overwhelming

This morning as I was getting up, Gideon suddenly started screaming. This isn't unusual. Sometimes he just can't find his water bottle, or he dropped a toy off the bed or something. So I made my way into his room, and he was lying there just fine, as I had suspected.

Me: "What's wrong?"

Gideon: "Mom, I want to go to outer space!!!"

I suppose being stuck on Earth IS quite torturous when you're almost 3...

Brilliant!

Judith (As I was scooping out some home made ice cream for her): "You know, I really love the movie Ice Age. We should make a movie, and call it Ice CREAM Age!"

She is a genius.

Reality Check

Me: (To Dave, after I complained about something and he balked at it) "Oh, I'm just being irrational."

Dave: (jokingly) "You mean... you're being a woman?"

Me: (GLARE)

Judith: "Hey, you guys sound like a REAL family!"

Me & Dave: ???

Apparently pretending to bicker makes us real. Who knew!

A Simple Compliment Would Have Been Nice...

Last night I tidied up and vacuumed the living room after the kids went to bed.

This morning Judith slept in a bit, and when she came down the stairs she stopped at the landing, and the proceeded to collapse and have a fake heart attack.

Me: "What are you doing?"

Judith: "I just can't believe it! I always wanted you to vacuum, and you did it!"

Way to rub it in, thanks.

Her Poor Children...

Judith: "When I have a baby from my belly, I am going to name her Ruthie."

Me: "But your sister's name is Ruthie..."

Judith: "Well, I think I need 2 Ruthies."

Me: "Ok, if you're the mom you can name your baby whatever you want."

Judith: "Really? Then I'm going to name my baby WATERMELON!"

Maybe it's a Boy Thing?

I took Gideon out to look at a parking lot full of school buses (we have been watching lots of episodes of The Magic School Bus lately, he loves buses now). First thing he did was run up to one and touch it, and he exclaimed "Nice paint job!"

Have Blankie, Will Sleep

This kid can fall asleep anywhere!

This is What Happens When You Live Up North

After suffering through months and months of -30C (-22F) temperatures, it finally warmed up to +4C (39F). And you know what that means in Canada!

WATER BALLOON FIGHT!!!!

CYCLOPS TOILET

Judith and I are both big fans of googly eyes. Judith likes them for crafts like puppets, I just think that adding googly eyes to anything automatically makes it cute. But little did I know that my googly-eye permissiveness would backfire on me some day!

I came upon this the other day, just as I was needing to use the facilities. It's funny how a little eye can change things. Suddenly, this toilet was alive, and I wasn't about to do my business in his mouth. I had to run to the bathroom upstairs.



The eye has since gone missing, so the toilet has gone back to its inanimate, useful status.

Just Think of the Possibilities!

This morning, Judith came into my room to wake me up, and the first thing she said was:

"Mom, I wish I had a pet robot. He could bake me cookies right now.... and clean my room for me!"

Then she went downstairs.

Good Boy

This morning, as I was nursing Ruthie and Gideon woke up, he sat up and asked me "Mommy, what's your name?"

I replied "Kelly. What's your name?"

He said, very proudly and pointing to his chest "my name is GOOD BOY."

(This is after he was up from 4-5am and wanted me to just stand there and watch him. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong, and didn't want me to do anything other than stand there. Eventually I got fed up and left despite him protesting. He seems good and happy today, I wish I could say the same for myself...)

Future Aspirations

This morning as I was having my morning cuppa, Judith came up to me and said "Oh my goodness! Looking at that coffee makes me want to grow up really fast!" Oh dear.

Greetings Earthlings

Well, I suppose non-Earthlings are welcome too, but please at least comment so I can brag about my wide-range of readership.

This is intended to be a place where I can share and save all of those hilarious moments that make parenting worthwhile.



Let me introduce you to the cast:

Judith - Wild, energetic lover of life and cupcakes. Enjoys horses, cats, youtube, pink, purple, random acts of dancing, seaweed, and babies. Is known to wear a dress over her clothing in case the need to spin arises. Maker of forts. Keeper of Lambie. Needs constant adventure in her life or she will emit a high-pitched frequency that renders her hermit-mother powerless to resist the child's desire to leave the house. Has a pretend fear of ducks.



Gideon - Sweet, sensitive, solitary boy. Enjoys trains, cars, monster trucks, giving his Blankie stroller rides, animals, robots, hugs, and singing to himself. Don't let his quiet nature fool you, one twist of the sock or misplaced toy and cracks start forming in the universe visible only to him that threaten the existence of us all. Has a knack for music and computers. Loves his big sister but is starting to resist her need to dictate his life. Firmly believes that pet fish need to be cuddled.



Ruthie - Cheeks that beg to be eaten. Enjoys cuddles, her two Blankies, doing face-plants on pillows, dragging laundry all over the house, and peeling garlic. Daddy's girl. Insists that she is a big kid. Shakes her little booty to any and all music, even mama's singing. Lover of ice cream. Hater of socks. Wrecker of train tracks. Wants to be doing whatever her big sister is doing. Believes all things need to be tasted. Forever pointing and asking "Wha sa?" Adorable beyond reason.



I will add content as my kids continue to fulfill my need to be entertained by them. I will also post past moments of hilarity here and there, just to have everything saved in one place, and of course for the enjoyment of random strangers who stop by this blog.